we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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