you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
