You made me cry and you don't even care
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
