I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
