I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
