The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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