He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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