so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
