Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
