So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
