Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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