let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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