Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
