but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
