Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The Olympian is in my bed
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
