I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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