We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize