i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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