Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
