why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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