im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
