I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
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