Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
