Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize