can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize