sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
