I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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