just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
