Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize