i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
