the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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