I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
