Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize