I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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