You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
