yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
