if you like me you must not know who I am
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
