Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
is it fun? or sober?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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