You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We are two peas in an std pod
Let's paint friendship bongs
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I have aggressive nipples.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
