I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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