I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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