I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
