Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
