Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
