Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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