he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
