I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
