I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
