Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
