So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
