Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
