i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
