She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
