I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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