I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
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