there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
