I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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