I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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