if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
