i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
