dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
