my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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