Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
