I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
