I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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