he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
