Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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