it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
