when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
