some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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