holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I stole a fireplace last night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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