I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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