she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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